Face the Music

This is random as hell, but I made another account.

I'll still post to this one, but I actually..well...write in the other one more. If you care. O__o

So...peace for now.  I'll be back soon.

You can find me and more of my randomness at 1337_hamburglar 
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So....yeah...my friends and roomies and all those peeps and I have totally lost it already. Second week of school, and we're gone already XDDD

Hope ya like it....watch! XDD

Alright...school...back..here...am...I..here..back...*dies*

It's fun being here though..I suppose.  More about seeing the people I missed than the classes (as it usually seems to be...>_>). 
And as I sit here, typing this out, in my new dorm room, I have to wonder...

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING MAJORING IN PHYSICS????!!!!!

For SERIOUSLY!!  Alright, I do actually sorta like physics.  That's not the problem.
Calculus.  Calculus is the problem. 

Not that I'm terrible at it or anything.  Just....right now, at present time, I could really give a shit about vectors and derivatives and all that. 
Fuck 'em.
I don't need 'em.
EPH YOU CALC!  >_<

But yeah...*ahem*.  I do seem to need calc in order to major in astronomy.  Yes, that would be the source of my problems there. 
So.
Rawr.

Maybe I should just go with theatre, creative writing, music theory, and art...I'd be much happier then.  Eh...but I adore astronomy...space is rather nifty, I must say. 
Ohhh or Oceanography...I enjoy the ocean...and living / going to school in Hawaii kinda helps with that. 

I have to think. 
My mind is extremely jumbled right now. 
I've got school tugging at one end, and my personal/social life at the other.

Yeah...holy crap, I actually have a personal/social life. XD

Anywho...>_>

I got my hair cut, for anyone who doesn't know from like..everywhere else I posted my "HOLY CRAP SHORT HAIR GUYZZ!!!' stuff. 

Got it cut for cosplaying *coughgagdie*  And I love it!!! 
Well, I actually also got it cut because my hair was getting really long and hard to manage because of that. 
I am the Keeper of Frizz, I swear..>.<

But guess what?

I HAVE DEMYX HAAAAIIIIR!!!  WEWT!!! 
well, I do when I style it like that...otherwise, if it's straight down or anything I have Light hair..Oo....quite odd I must say.

Well...I'm trying to write, so I'll get back to that.  But yeah...I want it to be Kawaii Kon '08 already.  Too much fun is building up over the whole thing...rawr.

So, I love you guys.  Umm...yes!  HI!  XD

And now, bye!!!!  ^3^

Well, I'm finally 19!  I'm not quite sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but hey.  It happened.  It's all G.

I finished the first cloak!  I pretty much want to throw a dance party over it...took so much planning considering how much my mom nad I had to alter the pattern to get the thing to look all...Organization XIII-ish.
Ahhhh well...it looks totally kick ass.

Oh yeah.  I did something constructive *cough cough* this summer.  Heh.

Anyway...I'll have pictures up soon, I suppose. 

Going back to school soon...it'll be fun to see everyone!  I miss them and have birthday presents to pass out. 

Does anyone read this anyway? XD  Oh well.

Peace, suckas!  ^3^

So...I'm sitting here, right?  And I realize that I'm getting some unwanted attention on myspace....lame, but hey. 

Summer....what the hell have I been doing this summer?  Honestly, not much.
I've been drawing quite a bit, trying to anyway.  I'm in a bit of a block right now, so....my gallery is a bit...lacking, so I apologize if you go to my gallery and are extremely disappointed.  lol

Also, I've been writing.  Not anything special or anything, but I started formulating some of my book ideas and typing them out.  Which is a lot easier on my laptop...which I love. XD

I saw Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, otherwise known as HPatOotP...which looks funny.
The movie was actually quite good considering how much was changed and was different.  As a movie in itself it was good, but I try not to even compare these things to the books. 
I won't give out any spoilers here for those who are going to see the movie.  BUT:
~Fred and George as sexy as ever, awesome, and know how to escape. 
~Dumbledore DOES have style. 
~And FINALLY, Snape + Book + Ron's Head = LOVE!  You'll know what I mean when you see it, if you haven't seen it already!  ^3^

There is an extrmemly awesome trailer for The Golden Compass though, which I MUST GO SEE when it comes out.  I love His Dark Materials.  So yus...must see, must see.

Transformers was AWESOME!!!  I loved it...it was just great.  Dude...yes....awesome.  Bam. 

Other than that, I'm waiting for 21 yards (yeah...YARDS!!) of pleather to arrive in the mail...I already got the zippers, just need the pleather.  Then...I sew.  I go on that epic sewing adventure I've been preparing the entire summer for.  I hope everything goes swimmingly!! 

I'll be spiffy-er later. 

Peace my friends.
Peace.

Tomorrow....
Harry Potter...
Dude...
Yes...
Movie...
Shazam...
Dance Party...
BE THERE!  XD

I have no idea where that came from, but tomorrow I'm going to see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and I'm also taking my sister to her registration up at the old alma mater...so I'll actually be awake before 10 tomorrow.  Good fun, eh? 

So yus...tomorrow will be awesome! 

OH!!  And yeah...10 days 'til my birthday!  WEWT!

Oh....and I'll be a total dork for a second and SWOOOOON over my new Kingdom Hearts manga  XDD 
They said that KH2 would start being released in manga form starting in July (this month) and so I was bored today....drove to Border's after dropping my little sister off at the mall.  I went just to look around, find out about the HPDH launch on the night of the 20th...BUT I went into the graphic novel area on the off chance they'd maybe have volume one....
ONE FREAKIN' COPY LEFT!!!!
I think I may have mowed over some poor little kid as I snatched the damn thing.  I doubt it...but in my defense, he was just standing there and I totally wanted it, so....yeah...he should have moved a bit quicker......yeah....I'll go with that.

Told you I'm a dork.  XD 

But I read it, it was awesome...but it only got like...half way through the prologue of KH2...so...I wonder how many there are gonna be...I'll GET THEM ALL!!!! MU-HA-HA!!!  AND MOW DOWN LITTLE CHILDREN IN THE PROCESS!!!

*ahem*

Anyway...I'm sitting...contemplating getting another account on here (I'd still use this one) as a sort of...I dunno, but I was thinking about it for some reason. 

Well, before I kill you all with my lame-ness, I'll shuffle on out!  My guitar is just sitting there...calling me...

So....peace my homies!!!  Love ya ALL!!

I'M COMING BABY!!!! *runs away to guitar in slow motion*

Okay....my ear....is...throbbing...

Well, not my actual ear, but I can feel the pressure and HEAR my heartbeat (holy crap a heart!) in my freakin' EAR!!!!  It's really kinda freakin' me out, man....

....And my dear, sweet little sister was just accosted by a giant roach...hehe....more on that later, I do believe

Yeah...this was pointless...I'm completely sorry...

Well, in about 13 minutes it will be July 1st, 2007 in Hawaii. 

This will begin the month of triple 7.  XD 

And will also mean I will be turning 19.  Holy crap...this came up on me waaaaaaaaaay too fast. 
I can remember waking up in my Princess Jasmine pj's when I was 6, excited that it was Christmas.  I can remember perfectly the day one of the best friends I've ever had walked away from me, leaving me (and the rest of zeh posse) behind.  I can remember like...everything.  And it's hard to believe that I have 19 years of life behind me....dude, where did the time go?! 

Seriously....what the hell?!  XD

I've been a-drawing a lot recently...many different little doodles and stuff...many may never reach completion or my deviantART page, but oh well.  I like them, and so it works.
Also, I re-vamped my ff.net account! XDD
But you'll never know my pen name...hehe.  I just don't feel like tellin' ya....I might if I get some good responses, but other than that, nope.  You will not know!  MU-HA-HA!

Ahem.

Other than that, I've put up some random scraps on my dA page and I have an interesting journal up there explaining my most recent adventure at GameStop.  

Go take a look!!!

IT'S 7-1-07!!!!  WOO

Okay...um...go read the journal on my dA....and I'll write somethign more substantial later. 

Peace, homes.  Love you guys! 

CHU!

Do you ever just feel like writing some fanfiction?  XDDD

oh...yes, and might I add:

EW......ROACH.....GIANT...FUCKING...EVIL....ROACH!!!!!!

*runs away*

First off, GO TO MY DEVIANTART PAGE NAAAOOOW!  XD kidding, you don't have to, but I have some silly stuff up.  http://gw33t3r-love.deviantart.com

"Dear diary, mood apathetic..."
sorry...I had to XD

It's been a while, eh? 

Okay, I'm well aware that no one really reads this, but I just wanted to write something down I guess.

I've been under so much stree-type stuff recently.  It seems like everything in my life is deciding to have a massive spaz attack in order to flip everything upside down and make me upset beyond all reason. 

So, I feel like crap, for lack of a better word.  Well, there are always better words, I just have no motivation to find a better one.  I pretty much hate a lot about myself right now.  I feel like I'm driving people away, when I know in reality I shouldn't be feeling like this considering I've made some excellent friends this past year, and I still have awesome friends that I've stuck with for years and years. 

I just looked at my profile picture...and suddenly I feel stupid for being all "emo" or whatever you feel inclined to call it.  Now I just feel silly.

Well, one year of college is over.  How'd it go?  Well, the first semester was fun.  I came home a lot, got to spend time with people I care about, and made some new friends in my dorm. Second semester?  Well...see how I am now?  Yeah...that pretty much sums it up.

I feel like I'm too good of an actress because I can put on that fake happy-go-lucky face far too easily. 

Soooo, I just want to say something to you guys.  I'm sorry.  I've been having a lot of issues recently (can you say "attempting to deal with clinical depression??"  XD) and I know I haven't always been there for some of you.  And for that, and everything else I've ever done to hurt any one of you, I'm sorry.  I love you all.  Seriously.  I value my friends above all else, and I hope you're all happy.

I also have a bit of a request.  I've been dealing with this issue for a few years now, but recently it really came to the surface.  Here's my request:  Please don't ever forget about me.  As much as possible.  Even if it's even a small memory like "oh, I went to high school with her" or "she was that weird one that lived down the hall with the bright red hair." even something that simple would mean the world to me. 

Before I start rambling on even more, I'll say nighty night to you all and I only hope that you're feeling better than I am.  Heh, I'm really trying to feel better.  If I see you this summer or at any time, I'll be happy to see you.  I'll be happy, whether I'm feeling like crap or not because I care about you.  And I also want you to remember me at my best.

I'm not going to do anything stupid, don't worry.  I just wanted to write something.  Alright my friends.  I wish you a good night. 

Peace and Love, my friends.

"Don't you forget about me..."

I've been debating about whether I should actually post something up or not, but I figure I might as well...even though things are not exactly the greatest they've ever been at the moment...
I don't want to be someone who just posts when they're sad...I want to actually have something to say and have people think about it and say "yeah...that's pretty interesting" or something to that extent, but for the past week...I don't know...I feel so lost.  I feel like I don't know anything anymore...sleep is what I crave constantly and can never obtain, or I can but at a time that I can't...like...class. 

Um...I had another calculus test friday...and I hope I did well....well enough anyway.  I still feel sick...my stomach has been bothering me for weeks now...I have no idea what's wrong with it either.  My mom says it might be nerves or something, but I'm really not sure...anxiety. 
It's become one thing that's constant at this point in my life.  I've gotten to the point where sometimes I feel like something's wrong if I'm not anxious about...something.  I want to be myself again...I'm trying, I really am...but...I don't know what to do anymore.

I think I need to embrace my Spartan heritage and kick someone's ass...

But I'm striving for happiness at this point...and right now, the only thing that's keeping me from it is not knowing.  I need to talk to him.  I say that a lot, and I'm sorry...but I do, and I want to, and I want him to want to talk to me...now or soon or something....very soon. 

Therapy is sounding better and better...maybe it could help me out. 

So, as I sit in my neighbors' room, while both of them are asleep, I think maybe I should leave...considering it is their room and they might want to close the door soon....hehe.

I want to apologize to everyone I've hurt or attacked or given a headache because I just don't shut up at times. 

I'm sorry....I'm trying...I really am.  And thank you

everyone...thanks.

Love,
Corinne

Alright, I'm trying to be as positive as possible, but I'm freaked out.  I'm scared of the future, I'm scared of 5 minutes from now even (granted it is the future and all, but the very close future).  Things are good and weird and depressing and everything all at once and I have no idea how to handle anything or deal with any of it.  I feel so lost right now...feel like I'm screaming and everyone is just walking by, not hearing any of it.  Not even glancing up.

I'm trying to be more positive, and I'm acting like this.  I am happy, but I'm sad.  And the people I feel I need to talk to most are not here with me.  I miss everyone...

And I love you all.  Especially Will...and I want everything to be good...and great and perfect. 

But I love you all...don't forget that.

Love and Peace

As I sit here watching Legally Blond, I dunno...I was thinking about something profound to say, but yeah...it's gone.

So, I'm going to come back to Maui the friday after valentine's day to surprise William!  Good idea?  Shitty idea?  Tell me what you think, but I already bought the tickets! XD

BUT, I need to figure out exactly how I'm going to show up to surprise him and everything and an idea for something we can do that weekend as a post valentine's day sort of thing.  So....PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!

My problem of the moment...I seriously need to figure out what to do though.  Bleh. 

I miss him...I really do...I wish I could see him more and all that.  But, I'l be home soon, I guess, so yeah...argness....

PLEASE try to help me!!!!  :)

LOVE ALL

"He ripped off her space bodice and surged into her loins."   This was the first thing I heard when I turned on the Colbert Report....oh my


I thought you otta know...OO

I'll write later...I need sleep....

YAY!!!  it's that time again!!!  yay!!! 

well I'm gonna go be with my family now....but yeah, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! ^-^

I've been listening to Dane Cook like every friggin' day for the last week or so. I totally love his stuff...makes me laugh!!

I seriously need to go out and buy either dvds or cds of his.

Alright dudes, go here  and listen to the Dane Cook remix!!!  you will seriously love it!!!  It's hysterical!  ^-^

AND this is one of my favorite one of his clips EVER!!!  WATCH IT AND LOVE IT!!!!!

"The First Time I Got Head..."

Have fun dudes!  ^______^ 

I feel bad...I feel terrible actually. Primarliy this crappy-ness is steming from the fact that I am sick. I caught a cold the other day...it's very sad. But anyway, I also feel bad about putting you through that last post. It wasn't fair. I don't want to lose folks over crap like that. I'm just going through some things right now and I really needed to release what I said in that post.

I just noticed that I have a message! YAY!! Well, apparently that brightened my mood a bit. I love you all. Time for food. But I should probably work out instead....bleh.

Oh well...I'm sick.

I have an excuse! ^-^

In a week I'm going to post a paper I'm in the process of writing for my engish class. I'm writing about how the study of quantum physics and dark matter is an analogy for religion. This should be interesting. hehehe...

PEACE!

I'm just going to write. I don't care if you read this or not, but I'm going to write...everything. I may not even know you or may never meet you, but I want to write this...I need to write this...

First of all, I am in love. I'm not talking about lust or kiddy love, I am actually in love. I want to be able to spend the rest of my life with this man....I thought for sure we would. I knew it. It was the one thing we both had faith in...that no matter what happened, we'd be there for each other....we'd be together. We're meant to be.

Now, I'm not a needy, clingy person. I just like people, and those people who I like I would kind of like to be around. It makes sense. It's not rocket science...it just makes sense. During my junior year, I was thrust away by some people I knew for being "too clingy"...which I still do not understand and don't think I ever will because it isn't a crime to want to be around your friends. If it were, everyone would be guilty.
Anyway, I felt invisible...completely detatched from everything I'd relied on for 16 years of my life, and I just didn't care anymore. I gave up trying to make it work...I just wanted a friend again. Someone who cared, who wanted to be around me....who loved me for who I was and am and will be.

And he found me. He was the only person who I felt really saw me through all of that...I didn't know him too well, but it didn't matter. He cared. He helped me. He loved me. He saw me when I was invisible. I started hanging out with a new-ish group of people by a lovely little bench. They were nice...but I really stayed for him. I found every excuse I could to be near him, to talk to him. Off and on for a month or two, I would be permitted (without being shunned) to sit amongst the old group...for several people in that group, nothing had ever changed, they had remained by me, but for others, the issue was still there, and it still hasn't gone away completely. However, even though I was in one place, I longed to be in another at times, with that guy who smiled and said that everything will work out...
As time went on, we started to talk more and more, until one day a friend and I were talking to him after school and as we were walking away I whispered "He's so cute...I really like him a lot..." and my dear friend turned around and yelled "Hey! You wanna go out with Corinne??" and he looked scared for a moment as I freaked out yelling "what the hell are you doing dude???" to my friend. He laughed, with a bewildered look on his face and yelled back "sure!" That was it. I was hooked.
We spent a week or two trying to plan our date...some of my happiest memories. We would get online every night and talk about what we could do, how everything was going to work. Until the day after Thanksgiving (Friday, November 26, 2004) we actually went out. We saw the Grudge (the only reason I kinda like that movie). During the opening credits, we kept laughing and glancing at each other. It was perfect, everything was perfect. Then he yawned, stretching his arm up, and put one around me...you know that old trick. He had talked about doing it when we talked online, and when he actually did, I knew. As soon as he put his arm around me, he turned and smiled. I loved him from that moment on, and I will always love him as love as I live.
That night we decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and I knew that I would be okay. We'd be okay. We spent almost every day together, and when we couldn't be together we'd talk to each other either online or on the phone. I had perfection. He is my perfection.

Almost 2 years passed, and everything was great. When either of us would go away, we'd keep in contact, always. Then, shortly after I came back from Maui the second time, something happened. He was worried about college. Applying to places far away from UH, feeling that if he came here that he wouldn't do well in life. He felt like he needed to go away from Hawaii for school. Many people feel like that...which I completely understand. But he felt that if he talked to me as much as we have been tlaking for 2 years that he couldn't concentrate on applying...he was always thinking of me.
So he stopped calling every night...it was every other night for a day or two....then 3 nights...4 nights. The application deadline for the 4 out-of-state schools he applied to was yesterday....I can only hope he calls and that we can talk more. He says it's hard to talk every night because then he realizes that I'm not there, but for me, it's the exact opposite. If I don't tlak to him, it only reminds me further that we're not physically together. I love him.
This has been so hard on me these past few weeks...but when I came back for Thanksgiving, everything was fine. I only wish we could have spent more time together...I wish I could have seen him more. I'll be back in 2 weeks though...and then everything will be great. I've just been so torn up because the lack of talking to him made me feel like he didn't care..like it doesn't matter what happens to me or what I'm doing. I feel so alone.

So again, I say that I am not a needy-clingy-dependent person. I'm just in love. And there is nothing wrong with being in love. I am willing to let him go to school on the east coast, as long as we can try to make it work. I know we can make it work. We love each other.

What brought this need to write all of this down was something I read in Wenna's one and only post on his xanga : "That I fear, in every star and breath I take, that you might forget me..."
I read this and realized that THAT is one of the things I fear most...being forgotten by the people I care about....by the people I love.

So, I wanted to let you know what I mean...what has defined me these past 2 years...who I really am. This is not my full story, far from it, but is probably the most meanful portion that has happened thus far.
I hope you can understand me a bit more...

So, to all of my family, friends, random people in my life who have helped me and been appart of it, and that one person who has helped me to find hope and happiness (I love you...I do with all of my heart) I want you to know that you have helped me, good or bad, and that I appreciate you. I love you...

And to everyone who reads this, thank you. You didn't have to, and you did. You have helped me as well, and I love you.

So please.....

Don't forget about me.

Well, this is fun! Alright, I'm just starting this up...I used to have one long long ago, but alas. I'll try to write more than I have in the past...I think I may be more intersting now than I was in th 8th grade! hehe! I'll make this interesting...